midnight musings

Be happy be positive

You tell yourself

and for the most part, you are

but then on every corner

every Facebook memory

there you are creeping back in

Wipe the slate clean they say

But if my mantra is

"Je ne regrette rien"

To delete the pictures

Not possible really

Would mean denying a whole part of my existence

of the person I am 

Couldn't be this person without those experiences

So inextricably intertwined

Like those creeper vines growing off those hundred year old trees...

guess everything has a purpose

Trick is to savour to memories and focus on being happy in spite of it all...

this stupid love

Love can have many shapes and forms...

Addiction

Adoration

think that's the one I had for you

with blinkers on...

Irresistible force vs immovable object...

Yep that was pretty much me and you...

Opposites attract... I heard so much of...

but in the end that wasn't enough

and perhaps we were both more similar than we cared to believe

it can't be lopsided it can't be uneven

cos it's never enough for one side to hold it together

so the immovable object moved a bit the irresistible force became slightly less so

And the very things that brought them together to start tore them apart

Ironic - you admire certain qualities in a person

Perhaps cos they are lacking in yourself

Only to find that later... Much much later

Those very things you admired
that you were attracted to

Start to grate

Start to annoy

Cos maybe we're not all meant to be the same

React the same

Feel the same

we're all a sum of our parts

Those unique little pieces that make us who we are

These individual experiences that teach us how to react

so Love - my take? 

Doomed from the start...

...unless we actually start adapting

Making changes to ourselves

In a complimentary way

Selfish

Replaying conversations in your head is never a great idea, for one, you're making both sides of the argument and anticipating the responses so the outcome is in your control, unlike reality, where however intuitive you might be, and how well you think you know a person, you can never predict what they will say or what they are thinking, there may be exceptions, by way of a sibling or spouse/partner but in general the conversation you played out in your head is never the one that plays out in reality...

...so I sit here thinking, what if, what if the outcome was different, where your responses were different, you were different and the situation itself were different, and that just makes me think, well if all if that was different perhaps I was looking for or seeing someone else instead... Looking for the person from the beginning, you know the one who puts on their A game and wants to be accepted, liked, not the later one who emerges with their moody side or their selfish side, so an appeal to the moody selfish folks, be like that from the start, don't pretend to be someone you're not.