Waqt Ne Kiya... Kya Haseen Sitam...

aakhir kitna waqt kaafi hai?

ek sadi guzar gayi

aur hum hum rahe ya nahin

magar tum bilkul tum na rahe...

ya fir shayad tum tum hi rahe...

mere khayal mein jo tum the

woh sirf ek khayal tha...

aur kuch nahi to

tum bhi kho gaye

hum bhi kho gaye

kya talaash hai kuchh pata nahi

anyway its the journey not the destination...

Onwards & Upwards!

'just a hat... in a world full of shoes'

misfits that's what we are

I could just slot in

yet another widget

in the widget making machine

midnight musings

Be happy be positive

You tell yourself

and for the most part, you are

but then on every corner

every Facebook memory

there you are creeping back in

Wipe the slate clean they say

But if my mantra is

"Je ne regrette rien"

To delete the pictures

Not possible really

Would mean denying a whole part of my existence

of the person I am 

Couldn't be this person without those experiences

So inextricably intertwined

Like those creeper vines growing off those hundred year old trees...

guess everything has a purpose

Trick is to savour to memories and focus on being happy in spite of it all...

this stupid love

Love can have many shapes and forms...

Addiction

Adoration

think that's the one I had for you

with blinkers on...

Irresistible force vs immovable object...

Yep that was pretty much me and you...

Opposites attract... I heard so much of...

but in the end that wasn't enough

and perhaps we were both more similar than we cared to believe

it can't be lopsided it can't be uneven

cos it's never enough for one side to hold it together

so the immovable object moved a bit the irresistible force became slightly less so

And the very things that brought them together to start tore them apart

Ironic - you admire certain qualities in a person

Perhaps cos they are lacking in yourself

Only to find that later... Much much later

Those very things you admired
that you were attracted to

Start to grate

Start to annoy

Cos maybe we're not all meant to be the same

React the same

Feel the same

we're all a sum of our parts

Those unique little pieces that make us who we are

These individual experiences that teach us how to react

so Love - my take? 

Doomed from the start...

...unless we actually start adapting

Making changes to ourselves

In a complimentary way

Selfish

Replaying conversations in your head is never a great idea, for one, you're making both sides of the argument and anticipating the responses so the outcome is in your control, unlike reality, where however intuitive you might be, and how well you think you know a person, you can never predict what they will say or what they are thinking, there may be exceptions, by way of a sibling or spouse/partner but in general the conversation you played out in your head is never the one that plays out in reality...

...so I sit here thinking, what if, what if the outcome was different, where your responses were different, you were different and the situation itself were different, and that just makes me think, well if all if that was different perhaps I was looking for or seeing someone else instead... Looking for the person from the beginning, you know the one who puts on their A game and wants to be accepted, liked, not the later one who emerges with their moody side or their selfish side, so an appeal to the moody selfish folks, be like that from the start, don't pretend to be someone you're not.

Alternate reality

in another world

it was near perfection

the t's crossed and the i's dotted

my heart spoke and you understood

No miscommunication

no place for ambiguity

full transparency

my heart

Your hands

No chance of spillage

Or was it?

Just a figment of my imagination?

who wants perfect anyway

It's the flaws that give us multiple facets

Allowing the light to reflect and bounce off

but pain it does

Sometimes

Reality bites

my heart 

Your hands

But something held back

Wasn't totally honest

Or totally open

So was mine for the breaking

No one else to blame

Just the way of the game

and it's ok really

It really is just A O.K.

Love

is it possible to be in love with a city?

I think it is...

so am back and loving it

Travel does enrich your soul but you do need to have a connection

So something had been missing for a while

But now it's found

Sometimes you have to go away to find yourself

If only to find that what you were looking for was always there 

There were many reasons for my move

But in hindsight they perhaps weren't all my reasons

Perhaps it was love for a person that made me move

But lesson learned that you have to be true to yourself

And only you are responsible for your happy

And crushing your soul for someone else's happy will never make you that

I'm richer for the experience

But so happy to be home

Back to the familiar

Loss of control is never a good thing for extended periods of time

Feeling stuck is never a good feeling either

So now I'm unstuck unglued and master of my destiny!

There's always a choice and you just have to reach Out and grab it!